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Focus is a really big problem for me these days. It's part of the reason I don't get as much written and part of the reason I'm not usually happy with what I write.
When I go back and read words I've written, especially when I was tired or stressed, they're not necessarily bad words, but I can see, in sections (usually not all the way through) where I lost focus and wobbled a bit.
I know it can be fixed in the edit, but it's still making me unhappy. Before, I could write fast, stay focused, and generally get through a draft without too much wobble.
What I can't decide is whether it's the exhaustion, the stress, or something else that's causing the lack of focus.
Some days, I "see clearly" and get a lot of notes taken and get all excited, only to discover that by the time I get home and sit down at the computer, the focus is gone.
This morning, I truly wanted to write and opened several different pieces to read through and get myself going. But, I don't have enough focus to jump in...or enough time before I have to leave to really get going.
In the past, that wouldn't bother me. I wrote during every single scrap of time I had. It's one of the ways I got so many words written.
I guess my inclination is to blame it first on the exhaustion and stress and then secondly on just generally being unhappy where I am in my life now...with the job situation. That may even be causing the distraction more than the exhaustion and stress.
There's not really any way to properly vent the dissastisfaction I feel. I have to just keep taking crap from the crazy boss lady and there's not anyone on my side down there. (Though there are people who are nice to me.) Not really. They can't understand why I don't like driving so many hours, why I don't like spending $250/month on gasoline, why on Earth I could possibly need free time. I mean, there's nothing in life other than work and work and work...is there?
I think maybe I've hit the nail on the head right there. It's the lack of free time. I feel rushed all the time. ALL the freaking time. I have to squeeze life into almost no time.
Have to squeeze the kids' school activities in, get home at 10:00 or 11:00 at night, only to go to bed by midnight and get back up at 4:30 the next morning and start all over. Have to spend my weekends running errands and doing all the things there was no way to fit into the work week. And, by that time, it's all I can do to collapse and die.
Hmm...that would probably explain the problem, wouldn't it?
So, for now, I need to find a way to deal with this, as it's a constant frustration for me. Sadly, because of everything that's a necessity that has to be squeezed in, some days, writing has to be abandoned just to give myself a few hours to sleep.
Hopefully, this is only short-term, but I do need to deal with the frustration and allow myself to be happy with what I plot and plan and write, even if it's only a few words every day until I have the job situation worked out.
When I go back and read words I've written, especially when I was tired or stressed, they're not necessarily bad words, but I can see, in sections (usually not all the way through) where I lost focus and wobbled a bit.
I know it can be fixed in the edit, but it's still making me unhappy. Before, I could write fast, stay focused, and generally get through a draft without too much wobble.
What I can't decide is whether it's the exhaustion, the stress, or something else that's causing the lack of focus.
Some days, I "see clearly" and get a lot of notes taken and get all excited, only to discover that by the time I get home and sit down at the computer, the focus is gone.
This morning, I truly wanted to write and opened several different pieces to read through and get myself going. But, I don't have enough focus to jump in...or enough time before I have to leave to really get going.
In the past, that wouldn't bother me. I wrote during every single scrap of time I had. It's one of the ways I got so many words written.
I guess my inclination is to blame it first on the exhaustion and stress and then secondly on just generally being unhappy where I am in my life now...with the job situation. That may even be causing the distraction more than the exhaustion and stress.
There's not really any way to properly vent the dissastisfaction I feel. I have to just keep taking crap from the crazy boss lady and there's not anyone on my side down there. (Though there are people who are nice to me.) Not really. They can't understand why I don't like driving so many hours, why I don't like spending $250/month on gasoline, why on Earth I could possibly need free time. I mean, there's nothing in life other than work and work and work...is there?
I think maybe I've hit the nail on the head right there. It's the lack of free time. I feel rushed all the time. ALL the freaking time. I have to squeeze life into almost no time.
Have to squeeze the kids' school activities in, get home at 10:00 or 11:00 at night, only to go to bed by midnight and get back up at 4:30 the next morning and start all over. Have to spend my weekends running errands and doing all the things there was no way to fit into the work week. And, by that time, it's all I can do to collapse and die.
Hmm...that would probably explain the problem, wouldn't it?
So, for now, I need to find a way to deal with this, as it's a constant frustration for me. Sadly, because of everything that's a necessity that has to be squeezed in, some days, writing has to be abandoned just to give myself a few hours to sleep.
Hopefully, this is only short-term, but I do need to deal with the frustration and allow myself to be happy with what I plot and plan and write, even if it's only a few words every day until I have the job situation worked out.
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