Focus

[queenoftheskies]

Focus is a really big problem for me these days. It's part of the reason I don't get as much written and part of the reason I'm not usually happy with what I write.

When I go back and read words I've written, especially when I was tired or stressed, they're not necessarily bad words, but I can see, in sections (usually not all the way through) where I lost focus and wobbled a bit.

I know it can be fixed in the edit, but it's still making me unhappy. Before, I could write fast, stay focused, and generally get through a draft without too much wobble.

What I can't decide is whether it's the exhaustion, the stress, or something else that's causing the lack of focus.

Some days, I "see clearly" and get a lot of notes taken and get all excited, only to discover that by the time I get home and sit down at the computer, the focus is gone.

This morning, I truly wanted to write and opened several different pieces to read through and get myself going. But, I don't have enough focus to jump in...or enough time before I have to leave to really get going.

In the past, that wouldn't bother me. I wrote during every single scrap of time I had. It's one of the ways I got so many words written.

I guess my inclination is to blame it first on the exhaustion and stress and then secondly on just generally being unhappy where I am in my life now...with the job situation. That may even be causing the distraction more than the exhaustion and stress.

There's not really any way to properly vent the dissastisfaction I feel. I have to just keep taking crap from the crazy boss lady and there's not anyone on my side down there. (Though there are people who are nice to me.) Not really. They can't understand why I don't like driving so many hours, why I don't like spending $250/month on gasoline, why on Earth I could possibly need free time. I mean, there's nothing in life other than work and work and work...is there?

I think maybe I've hit the nail on the head right there. It's the lack of free time. I feel rushed all the time. ALL the freaking time. I have to squeeze life into almost no time.

Have to squeeze the kids' school activities in, get home at 10:00 or 11:00 at night, only to go to bed by midnight and get back up at 4:30 the next morning and start all over. Have to spend my weekends running errands and doing all the things there was no way to fit into the work week. And, by that time, it's all I can do to collapse and die.

Hmm...that would probably explain the problem, wouldn't it?

So, for now, I need to find a way to deal with this, as it's a constant frustration for me. Sadly, because of everything that's a necessity that has to be squeezed in, some days, writing has to be abandoned just to give myself a few hours to sleep.

Hopefully, this is only short-term, but I do need to deal with the frustration and allow myself to be happy with what I plot and plan and write, even if it's only a few words every day until I have the job situation worked out.

Comments

[peartreealley.livejournal.com]

We're alike in many ways, so here is some thoughts that have helped me get back on my feet in very bad times:

When things are busy or bad, even the stuff we do for love or fun become a chore. And DAMNIT, we want to do them, because it's our right! But in the end, it just becomes something else on the to-do list and it all gets overwhelming.

So give yourself permission to not HAVE TO get any writing in. I'm not saying, "Don't write," but if you want to sleep in half an hour, do that instead. If you take it off the requirements, your muse will do one of two things: retreat until things calm down, or drive you psycho batshit :) Both are okay.

Take writing back to something you do for the love and fun, instead of something you are required to do because you MUST DO IT.

I know it sounds all backwards, but I've found that when I take the requirements away, it doesn't vanish like I fear. It just becomes something I do for fun again, not because I must have fun. I usually get some of my best writing when I forget about word count or daily totals, or whatever and go with flippy little goals like "write every day".

I think you have to have some discipline when it IS time to get back to it for this to work, and you certainly have that discipline.

So as someone said yesterday, "Slow down, Superwoman" :)

[renakuzar.livejournal.com]

don't forget lunch breaks. For 4 years that was my only writing time. Bring a notepad (or laptop if you can) find a quiet place and write. An hour a day can produce much, especially satisfaction.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

My big problem with lunch is that I only get half an hour, and usually my boss eats up about 10 minutes of that with work.

I try to use lunch to get some notes scribbled and maybe get some plotting done, but I rarely have the time for actual writing.

This is a big change for me, as I used to have the privacy to eat at my desk when I worked at the other location, and I could write then. It was wonderful. :)

I hope my situation will change soon, since I'm interviewing for other jobs, and that maybe things won't be quite so crazy.

[aeriedraconia.livejournal.com]

Don't forget that the first draft is also called a rough draft. It isn't supposed to be pretty, it's rough. You make it pretty in the editing and revision process.

Also, you may see your writing as off or lacking but maybe that's because you have been learning (or made a breakthrough) and your writing is changing.

Finally, when you are having difficult life stuff going on that drains you mentally, physically and emotionally you may find your creative flow at low ebb. I know I do. It is perfectly natural. Just keep doing the best you can. :-)

good luck with your writing.........

[dracschick.livejournal.com]

usually, I'm so burnt with my day job that I find that I can usually only focus and write well on my vacations/the weekends.