Where Has My Life Gone?

I can't really sort it all out right now.

I turn it over and over in my head. I consider screaming and yelling and all sorts of other uncharacteristic things. But, I don't. Because I'm not that kind of person.

I've considered blogging it for the past week, but I can't really figure out what it is.

But, something is missing.

Sadly, I think it's hope. I think I've lost it all. I can't find any reason for it any more. Everything I've thought would work out has just backfired and exploded in my face.

I'm still working really hard, but for what? Maybe I can pay the bills, maybe I can't. It's still too early to tell yet.

But, each day drags me down a little more. It seems pointless to rant on everything, but little by little, it's eating me up inside.

I keep going. It's what I always do. But, before, there was always something to look forward to, some light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, all I see is the train that's moving my way. I can't tell if it's coming fast or if it's a slow-mover. But, it's coming. And, I don't know how to get out of its way.

One of the Dangers of Being Strong

Is that, after you do it for a long time, you lose your ability to cry. You feel like it sometimes, but, you can't.

Because, heck, you're strong, and you can't afford the luxury of tears.

And, you know what? Tears are a luxury that everyone should afford themselves. Because, without them, you can't release all the desperation that gets pent up inside you. All that frustration that builds every time you're knocked down and you have to get back up again.

You can't consider not getting back up again because...getting up is what you do.

You learn to live with everything that happens. You learn to control it. You learn to deal with it.

Because you're strong. Because you have no choice. Because you know how to keep going when everyone else is dropping around you.

But, that one good cry. You know it could release everything. It could save you and you could start all over again...

Renewed.

Determined to Write

Determined not to let bad days and dark tunnels (or trains) keep me from writing.

I'm very tired tonight, so I didn't manage as many words as I have the past few nights. BUT...

I did write.

Dawn of Destiny 1,000 words today

116,600 total words to date

116,600 / 125,000 (93.0%)