Where Has My Life Gone?

[queenoftheskies]

I can't really sort it all out right now.

I turn it over and over in my head. I consider screaming and yelling and all sorts of other uncharacteristic things. But, I don't. Because I'm not that kind of person.

I've considered blogging it for the past week, but I can't really figure out what it is.

But, something is missing.

Sadly, I think it's hope. I think I've lost it all. I can't find any reason for it any more. Everything I've thought would work out has just backfired and exploded in my face.

I'm still working really hard, but for what? Maybe I can pay the bills, maybe I can't. It's still too early to tell yet.

But, each day drags me down a little more. It seems pointless to rant on everything, but little by little, it's eating me up inside.

I keep going. It's what I always do. But, before, there was always something to look forward to, some light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, all I see is the train that's moving my way. I can't tell if it's coming fast or if it's a slow-mover. But, it's coming. And, I don't know how to get out of its way.

Comments

You're stressed

[gerriwritinglog.livejournal.com]

Sounds very familiar to me. You might want to talk to your doctor. You might be headed into anxiety, which is why I'm saying something now. I'd suggest talking to the doctor about putting you on Lexapro if you are becoming too anxious. I know it works well for me. I stay on an even keel and I haven't lost my ability to think in any way, shape, or form...at least not from that drug. But from the readings I've done on Generalized Anxiety Disorder, once the spiral starts, the chemicals in your brain go haywire and no amount of anything can fix the problem except to have something balance the chemicals out again.

*shrug* I still have problems, even with the drug, but then again, I just got married to a man I am still getting to know, moved to a different state, barely have work, my blood pressure only now coming under control, and just got diagnosed with diabetes and high cholesterol. But if I didn't have the drug, I wouldn't be able to get out from under the desk.

Something to consider. Yes, I know, pills = money. But pills = stability that you might not have otherwise so that the money can keep flowing in.

[norilana.livejournal.com]

Absolute sympathies. I've been there, in the place of no hope.

What I can guarantee is that it is a temporary place. All you must do is hang on and wait. Because you are STRONG.

There is a secret something that only you know about, that can bring hope back. Try to look for it somehow.

Believe me, you are not alone!

[loup_noir]

Have you posted your resume on monster.com or dice.com? Your skillset is usually in demand.

I think you need to set up little joys in your life. Pick up the local newspaper and find a movie or a concert or something to get yourself out of the house. Maybe just a walk in the local rose garden will do, but treat yourself. You've come thorugh an emotional wringer recently and you're still being wrung. Give yourself something to look forward to, even if it's just a walk in the park or a drive down to the beach.

I've always found it easier to get a job while I've got one. Don't just take what they've given you. This early, you're losing nothing by moving on. They've already proved how little loyalty they have to you. Don't feel guilty.

[roseyniswitrin.livejournal.com]

Hon, I don't have any other great words of wisdom to offer you here. Some of the other posters have offered some insights I think you should consider. I will send you this quote, from the amazing Martin Luther King, Jr, which always inspires me when I feel hopeless:

"...only when it is dark enough can you see the stars."

I'm sending you love and energy, and asking that the very best and highest good happen for you!

[dragonmyst.livejournal.com]

{{{huggles}}}

others who commented have put several thoughts to words already, so here is a final one: You are a good person, worth very much. You sound stressed and perhaps on the verge of a panic attack, take a deep breath, go find something yo like to which is a stress reliever, overall hang in there, as hard as it is perhaps think of the blessings you have (aka no hurricanes bearing down on you) and try to find 1 good thing to mention every day.

{{{huggles}}} again (you needed em)
My prayers are with you, may you be comforted that everything will work out.

[java-fiend.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough go of things, Miss J. Just know that there are so many of us out here that are here for you, willing to do whatever is within our power to help. I wish I could wave a wand and take all of your pain away. I really do.

But take heart in the simple things in life. Just know that there are so many things that can restore your hope and restore your reasons... simple things like sunrises and sunsets, good friends, loving family, your art... all of those things have the power to help lift you out of the darkness.

There are so many beautiful things in this world that you can take heart in. Please know that. And know that there are many of us out here that love and cherish you.

[kimberlychapman.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear it. :( I wish I could say something useful, but nothing's coming to mind, sorry...