queenoftheskies

It just seems hard to get anything done without staying up late any more.

I will, of course, regret it tomorrow, but I did get things done that I couldn't have done otherwise.

I'm having trouble with my writing. I keep thinking about posting about it and trying to get the mess of confusion out of my head and onto my LJ where I can see it, but there just doesn't seem to be time to sort through it all.

I guess, basically, I know what's wrong. I suck. And, I guess I'll always suck.

What really kept me going before was that I had myself convinced that I could improve, that I would get better if I kept writing and kept struggling to learn.

However, I've had soooo much confirmation lately that I suck and that my rough drafts are pretty much pure crap that I'm wondering if I'm beyond help at this point. I mean, if so many people tell me I suck, than I really must suck BIG TIME, yes?

The problem is that I cannot stop writing. I will NEVER stop writing. Ever. Writing is what I do. Writing is who I am.

But it hurts LOTS to know that I can never be what I'd hoped to be and that, no matter how many times I tell myself EVERYTHING CAN BE FIXED LATER, that my mantra applies to everyone else, but not to me.

Right now, I just want to get back into my flow. I want to be able to overlook the fact that I suck. I want to be happy trying to learn and trying to improve. Even if I can't get there, I'll never stop trying.

I just want it to stop hurting so much so I can write and enjoy what I'm doing and fall in love with the stories again.

Out of the Darkness

1,230 words today