Beginning Again...Writing

[queenoftheskies]

That sounds so much better than STARTING OVER.

And, I guess, in a sense, it IS more of a beginning from where I left off than actually starting over.

I MUST set goals. Grr...I want them and yet I don't. I'm VERY angsty about them at this point.

However, I NEED them. Otherwise, I'm never going to really get back into the swing of things.



The problem with goals is that they make me admit that I want more out of writing than what I'm willing to admit right now. And, that seriously sucks.

Right now, my writing stays at home...except for the first couple of chapters of Beyond the Darkness, which are still up at Quill N Ink and OWW. The ones at Quill N Ink stale off this week, so then, they'll be gone. I'll probably take the OWW ones down too.

But, the goals make me think of the future. They make me realize that I MUST finish things and send them out into the world.

I MUST combat this fear that I SUCK which, of course, was fed by some of the off-the-wall comments I got from critiques.


Hmm...

I must either mature as a writer.

Or I must stop.

Thinking of myself as a working writer, that is. Striving to learn and advance. Working toward publication. I could never stop writing, no matter what.

GOALS.

For me, my direction is all in the goals.

Comments

[java-fiend.livejournal.com]

I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with wanting more. I also agree that finishing stories and sending them out are necessary to being a writer. But all the goal setting in the world isn't going to matter one bit if you sabotage yourself from the get-go. If you don't ever get to a point where you think a piece is "good enough" to submit, if it's not polished enough, if you just want to revise this section and then that section and then you find a better way of doing this section and you keep revising and never get around to submitting it is that not sabotaging yourself? And isn't getting caught up in 100 different pieces, always being worked on but never being completed another form of self sabotage? When you have so many pokers in the fire that you don't finish a single one, might that not be setting up unrealistic goals? Goals are admirable, goals are good, so long as you see them through.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

The not feeling good enough about my writing is a problem I'm trying to solve with the setting of some realistic goals, which include writing, editing and submitting.

Do I expect to be accepted right away? Of course not. But, I have to get into the routine in order to advance and not keep myself stuck in the same mindset forever.

The listing of all the files I have (both finished and in progress) was not a goal. I was not saying I want to work on all of those all the time. I have a lot of work completed on a lot of them, and some of it is due to the fact that this time last year, I did NOT have goals.

When I set goals for myself in the fall and winter, I made astounding progress. I focused on certain pieces, which fall straight in line, and you can see which ones those are.

It actually is NOT a case of working on too many things at once. It has to do with the fact that the file passed 200,000 words and I realized it was time to split it into multiple books...a trilogy. It was getting far too big for me to handle.

But, when things began to fall apart at work, and I succumbed to the stress and the exhaustion, sometimes, I had to just allow myself to write instead of forcing the additional stress on myself of a completely rigid and unrealistic regime.

Once I tried to get back on track again, I allowed myself to be side-tracked yet again by the fact that I was troubled by critiques outside my target audience. And, once again, I'm sure the upset I felt was intensified by both stress and exhaustion. Not a good combination for anything.

HOWEVER, the reason I did list the items I have is to take stock of where I am in my writing. The physical files--the actual things I've written--are just the first step. From there, I have to take stock in myself...what abilities and skills I have, what I can hope to accomplish given what's going on in my life, etc.

THEN, I can say, okay, here's what I CAN do, here's what I WANT to do, that fits reasonably into my life at this point in time, and here's what I need to work on and focus on in order to accomplish that goal.

I wasn't saying I wanted to work on all that stuff at one time. That would get me nowhere.

Is that all about as clear as mud?