Oh the Horror of it All!!!

[queenoftheskies]

I guess I have to admit it now. I've put off admitting it for two days cause I was really sure I'd shake it off.

I haven't shaken it off, so I guess I have to admit it.

I'm BLOCKED!!! Waaaaaaaaaaah!

There. My whining is over. Now, I have to do something about it.

I NEVER get blocked. I just...don't.

I write through EVERYTHING. Through exhausted and stressed and not having ideas. Nothing ever stops me from writing. Sometimes, overtime slows me down a little, but nothing has actually STOPPED me...made me grind to a HALT...like this.

Now, granted, I AM working overtime, and will probably have to work tomorrow. But, it's only like 10 hour days. It's not the 12-13 hour ones I was working in December. And, yes, I'm tired. But, STILL...

That's NOT it.

Sniffle...

I still WANT to write. Does that count?

I still have ideas. I guess I actually have words, too.

But, when I sit down and open files up, I feel...

How do I feel?

Okay, so the "no market for my work" comment hurt more than I admitted, I guess. And, I got it into my head that my current stuff wouldn't work the way they are...even though they're only ROUGH drafts.

So, I started rethinking and replotting things and created so many questions and doubts in my head that nothing will work.

I managed a paragraph or two last night, but that's it. Not even enough to count the words.

I'm not sure how to work myself out of it. Yes, I could sit down and FORCE myself to write. I can MAKE the words and the sentences come out, but the PROBLEM is that I'm not sure it's worth it. THAT is what I have to combat. The feeling that it's a waste of time cause it won't work and that I need to spend my time figuring out what WILL. But, I don't know what will cause I don't know why what I wrote to begin with WON'T work.

I can theorize.

I write a strange combination of contemporary fantasy and sci-fi.

I have magic-using aliens on Earth.

I have ancient civilizations.

I have monsters.

And, now, somebody has made me feel like I write B FLICKS instead of novels!!!!!!!!!

Made me feel like people are going to...sniffle...LAUGH AT ME!!!!

And, the novels are supposed to be serious...not funny.

And, somehow, I managed to transform the comment that there was no market for my material (even though they said it was written well) into the thought that it's something I have to "fix"...so I feel like I have to present them in...I don't know...a more "professional" manner? Or that I'm DOING SOMETHING WRONG. I don't know. I'm confused.

VERY confused.

All the comments to my post yesterday helped. They helped LOTS. And, on an intellectual level, I'm okay with it all now, I think.

So, why won't the writing part of my brain let go of it???

Why won't it allow me to continue on with what I was doing?

Why does it tell me now that I need to turn Rosemont into something else? That the idea was sucky anyway? That it needs to be different? That...that...my writing is too simple and unsophisticated and too character driven and that...that...

My writing sucks. :(

But, I can fix it. :)

But, I don't know how to fix it. :(

But, I can fix it if I can figure out how. :)

But, I'm not writing. :(

So, how can I fix it if I'm not writing? :(

I miss writing. I miss going with the flow and letting it take me to fascinating places. To icky, eerie places. Through hard times for the characters. Through the promise of good times for the characters. To meet new characters and journey new places with them. To combat old fears. And old enemies. To win. To lose. To get up and try again...and again...and again...

They can't do any of that if I'm not writing.

Sigh...

A screenwriting professional once told me that I had the curse of being a creative soul trapped in an accountant's body. For an accountant, everything is either black or white...right or wrong. There is no gray, there is no in between.

In writing, there are so many subtle shades of gray, so many right ways--ways that might be right for one person and wrong for another

But, hmm, maybe what it all boils down to is that someone just gave my internal critic/editor all the ammunition she needed to paralyze me. And, she has. She's having a glorious time of this.

I must find a way to write. I MUST write. For, if I don't write, a part of me dies.

Comments

[greenlight711.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you're letting one person get to you. When it is only one person.

I alway like to remember that there's no way one writer can ever please everyone. There's not a single published author out there that does. Just because one person didn't think it marketable doesn't mean it is so.

Chin up. :)

[jmeadows.livejournal.com]

Dude, just write. It doesn't matter if it sucks. Write through it.

Don't worry about word count. Don't worry about pretty. Don't worry if it's not even related to your story.

Here, write a story for this picture: http://www.pupazz.orcon.net.nz/Poi.jpg

[madwriter.livejournal.com]

I know this may almost sound like heresy, but maybe you should just not have it critiqued.

There's a saying that you can't be a writer and an editor at the same time. While I think this very much depends on the "do it however it works for you" category, there is definitely some merit in it: You want to have enough concern so that if you suddenly think of something you can do differently to make the story better, then you'll take that new road--but not so wrapped up in concern that your writing stops.

I'd stopped working the past few days, for example, on The Backward River because I knew that it wasn't working. So I sat down to work on something else this week, an odd short story called "Stealing the Fire of Stars". I'm not sure if that's working either, but I also know I'm a much better editor of a finished product, so I'll keep going and then work out the kinks when the first draft is done. And as of yesterday, I think I've figured out what I was doing wrong with the book (and it really was what a couple of folks had suggested--just turning it into a multiple POV story...which I'd thought about a long time ago but hadn't implemented. Anyway...).

I would keep working on the story if you enjoy it no matter what the critiquers say. And my offer to read your stuff is still open. :)

[everyonesakitty.livejournal.com]

Whoever said your story has no market is an idiot. An arrogant idiot. Any agent or editor will tell you that the premise or style of piece isn't important; it's the frickin STORY that matters. A good idea won't get *anyone* published. A well crafted and original story *will*.

Maybe it will help to slow down and look at individual chapters and scenes and work on making them stronger? Then you won't be having to write anything new, but you'll be working on your craft. If you feel confident about how to improve your scenes (or about the reasons you have for not changing them), you'll start feeling confident about the story again. You'll feel like you are in control of your destiny.

The no market person is crazy. One in twenty people you meet in critique/writing circles is crazy. Seriously.

[dark-geisha.livejournal.com]

One in twenty? That's pretty conservative estimate, don't you think?

[dark-geisha.livejournal.com]

I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said, so I'll just go for blunt:

Ignore the No Market Person.

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

Okay, first of all, don't let this guy who told you there was market for your story get into your head. I say there is a market for it. In fact, with the current upswing in anime and manga in modern culture, and the steady performance of urban fantasy novels in bookstores, you might actually be ahead of the curve.

Now, that said, if the photo jmeadows supplied doesn't get you going (mmm, poi. Come to careswen's birthday part and see mmerriam spin fire) then I would suggest this trick. Start with the simple cliché phrase Once upon a time, and go from there, writing some kind of imaginative fairy tale using all the tired tropes of that genre. That way there is no pressure to write something sellable, or even good, just let yourself play with words in a semi-structured environment. Once you've started writing you fairy tale, you'll find the creative juices flowing again.

Just be aware that it's okay to write crap as long as you realize it's crap and plan to fix it later.

[dragovianknight.livejournal.com]

::clicks::

::meeps and hides::

Fire bad! FIRE BAD!

::has phobia::

[ammepyre.livejournal.com]

You are writing....maybe not fiction - but journal entries can help as well. I recently was seriously blocked on my story and I ignored it for about a week - but then someone who's really supported me with the story popped up and started asking questions about it and the next thing I knew the words were flowing again (even if deep I have a hunch the story is pathetic).

Find someone supportive of the story - not anyone who would critique it - just someone who would read along just for the love of the genre or characters or story.

Another thing that helps is writing down all the reasons why you don't want to write it. Write down your concerns, your fears, your thoughts on the story itself on why it might/might not be working. Freewrite on it for a while. I was never one of the Artist's Way book in that it was too spiritual for me (even if the author said use your writing as the spirit). But, her idea of morning pages - writing three pages of anything and everything - is a good one. It can clear up the doubts and worries and maybe allow your mind to focus on the story again.

[navicat.livejournal.com]

Hang in there! Don't you dare give up! Take a break if you need it, write something different, watch an anime marathon...whatever it takes. And remember you've got lots of wonderful writing friends who believe in you!

I know the place you're at. I've been there too. You've got to be stronger than that place! Don't let it get you!

Oh, and ignore the 'no market' person!

[dragovianknight.livejournal.com]

Find someone supportive of the story - not anyone who would critique it - just someone who would read along just for the love of the genre or characters or story.

She has one of those. ASK if she listens to me.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

But, there's a difference, because you read and tell me you like everything I write because you're my sister.

We don't really discuss the story, unless I'm horribly rambling and boring and just won't shut up about it, and you don't ask questions or really discuss back.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I actually had one person tell me there was no market for it, one tell me they weren't sure there was and that maybe it should be a manga instead, and one tell me it could never be anything more than YA because the main character wanted to be a manga artist and everyone knew only kids liked manga. :)

This was three people out of about...I think I have 12 reviews/critiques on it now. Maybe 13. Some are not from my target audience and I'm trying not to let them get to me.

I know that not everybody will like everything and most of the comments about the story itself didn't bother me...except when people were being obviously stupid...and I just laughed at those.

It was just that certainty...the fact that they thought I was writing something stupid...that got to me.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Whoa! Cool pic.

I might just do that tomorrow.

Tonight, I am dead from work.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :)

You always have such great advice.

I've also heard that you can't be a writer and an editor at the same time. I try very hard to control my internal editor, but sometimes, she just gets loose. She's very difficult. And, it does make it difficult to write when she's on the rampage.

When you switch projects to allow yourself time from a problem, do you actively try to figure out what your problem was while you're writing on the new piece? Or do you wait for the answer to come to you?

I do enjoy the story. I love it and I enjoy it lots.

Thanks for your offer. I want to send it to you, but I'm trying to decide whether to smooth out the rough parts first or not. Of course, I guess it doesn't need to be smooth just to see if the story works (or is stupid), does it?

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

It's very hard when people come on very strong and act like they know more than I do, cause I usually assume, when they're that confident, that they DO know more than I do.

Especially since the person who told me that had some really great comments about things to change and generally really liked my writing style. Had nice things to say, too.

So, I was quite flabbergasted when they told me it was good, but there was no market for stuff like that.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

I am trying very hard to wipe that doubt from my mind.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

In fact, with the current upswing in anime and manga in modern culture, and the steady performance of urban fantasy novels in bookstores, you might actually be ahead of the curve.

Oooooh....I love that thought. And, whether it works out that way or not, thank you so much for pointing it out as a possibility. I'm going to think of that whenever the doubts creep in. :)

Start with the simple cliché phrase Once upon a time, and go from there, writing some kind of imaginative fairy tale using all the tired tropes of that genre.

I did. I started it this morning on a break at work, right after I read your post, cause it sounded like great fun. I might even finish it up and post it on my LJ tomorrow.

Thanks for a wonderful idea! It was very easy to write on at first. Once I got home and was exhausted from OT, I was judgemental of it, so I stopped working on it. Time to rest instead.

Thank you for the great suggestions. I appreciate your help a LOT!

Just be aware that it's okay to write crap as long as you realize it's crap and plan to fix it later.

I try to tell myself this all the time. When I'm on a roll, it's easy to believe. Sometimes, it's not so easy. :)

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

You are writing....maybe not fiction - but journal entries can help as well.

You know, you're right. I didn't even think of that, but when I got so frustrated that I couldn't stand it, I did turn to my LJ and spill my guts. I guess a writer has to write no matter what?

...(even if deep I have a hunch the story is pathetic).

I bet your story is wonderful. I can tell from your LJ posts that you're a very thoughtful and talented writer, very dedicated to your craft.

Another thing that helps is writing down all the reasons why you don't want to write it. Write down your concerns, your fears, your thoughts on the story itself on why it might/might not be working.

That's a great idea. THANKS! I'm going to try that in the morning.

I really appreciate your thoughts and suggestions. I definitely want to regain my focus, and I'm going to give your suggestions a try.

[dragovianknight.livejournal.com]

No, I read and tell you I like stuff because you write the kind of crack I like to read.

We don't discuss the story because if I make comments or suggestions that don't jibe with what you already have planned, you go into a tailspin that what you have planned is wrong, or sucks, or...well, check out the tailspin you've been in lately. But at least I didn't cause this one.

Besides, it's your story, so you should be telling me what you have planned, as opposed to discussing things like we used to when we co-wrote fanfic.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

I'm trying very hard to be strong, but I just keep thinking that I not only have to battle not being good enough, but now I'm fighting the not being marketable fear, too.

And, you know what? That won't stop me from loving my characters and stories. And, it won't ultimately stop me from writing on them. It'll just make me give up the hope of ever reaching out to others with my stories, if I don't beat it now.

I do have lots of wonderful writing friends, don't I? I never had this many writing friends until I joined LJ. I had some. But, there are so many now. I LOVE being in touch with so many writers. Learning from so many. Hearing words of wisdom.

I only hope that some day, I can encourage everyone and help them out of tough spots, like everyone has helped me. :)

[madwriter.livejournal.com]

>>When you switch projects to allow yourself time from a problem, do you actively try to figure out what your problem was while you're writing on the new piece? Or do you wait for the answer to come to you?<<

The answer is yes. :)

Meaning, it's as if my brain makes the decision which to do rather than me consciously, and often it does both at the same time. It's the same way I come up with a lot of ideas in general: They percolate in the back of my mind, and I can feel them doing so, and sometimes I can peek in and see what's going on. But this also means I can sit back and let them take their own course. Then suddenly the new ideas will come to me. Often this happens as I'm winding down the alternate project, which makes me wonder if my brain works better on deadlines, or is just waiting a bit so as not to confuse me!

>>Thanks for your offer. I want to send it to you, but I'm trying to decide whether to smooth out the rough parts first or not. Of course, I guess it doesn't need to be smooth just to see if the story works (or is stupid), does it?<<

Whatever you feel more comfortable doing is fine with me.

Chiming in Late

[java-fiend.livejournal.com]

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<<<And, the novels are supposed to be serious...not funny.>>>

Just one quick comment here, but even in its most serious... can't real life include amusing episodes? Why can't a novel?